You are devastated that your relationship appears to be headed for a breakup and neither of you really wants that. How do you rekindle the flame that you both hoped would last forever? Whether a relationship is called a partnership or a marriage, research has shown that most adults regard their relationship as the most important part of their lives. But, there are no instruction manuals on how to nurture and maintain a relationship.
Most people rely on trial-and-error to find the formula that works for them. If the errors are too big, the relationship fails. Nearly half of all relationships fail and for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is all that trial-and-error learning period.
Relationships that do survive and flourish can teach us how to better manage the struggle on our own. What is going on in that half of the marriages and partnerships that succeed? What can we learn from these successful couples?
The Socioemotional Selectivity Theory
Social science calls it the "socioemotional selectivity theory." What this means in layman's terms is that people prefer to spend time with people with whom they have the strongest bond. The theory evolved by observing couples in their twilight years, but it was found that it also applied to couples of all ages.
Reflect on Your Relationship's Beginning
Examine why you and your partner bonded in the first place. You came together for a reason. Together you should recall your beginnings and attempt to recapture what it is that attracted you both then.
Try to Maximize Your Positive Feelings About Each Other
Push any negative feelings to the side and focus on those things you like most about each other. Deal with the negatives in a positive manner. Think of ways you can minimize the importance of the negative side of each of you. Commit to changes or modifications of behavior or habits, starting with the easy ones.
Older adults seem to have the best handle on dealing with relationships. As they near the end of their allotted time, they cherish their relationship more and are able to put aside any negatives and live only in the positive side of their togetherness.
Go watch this video right now and learn how to use tiny little text messages to turn your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or husband into an absolute "romance addict," even if he or she doesn't seem to care one iota about romance now.
Intimacy is Important
People who actively strive to maintain the intimacy in their marriage or partnership have more gratifying interactions with their mate or partner. This encourages the feeling of value in each other.
Spend Enough Time Together
Your bond grows stronger from shared interests. Schedule time to do all of the things you enjoy together: movies, dining out, camping, hiking, working out, attending parties, entertaining and particularly things you do, just the two of you.
Develop New Mutual Interests
Plan and engage in new activities that you both will enjoy. Travel to new places, join a new social or service organization, take up line-dancing, buy season tickets to the symphony, go to a concert, and take up a new hobby or craft.
Surprise Your Partner with a Mystery Gift or Date
This works particularly well for a man who is trying to rekindle the relationship with his wife or girlfriend. Completely surprise your partner with a date or gift.
The mystery date is probably the best surprise a man could conceive; hire a limousine and whisk your partner away to a really great restaurant for a wonderful meal. Cap it off with a night of dancing and then off to a luxury hotel suite. A champagne breakfast would really show that you are a romantic fool for your partner. She should feel like a princess after this event.
Restart the Bonding Process
It's really all about connecting and reconnecting those synapses that brought you together in the first place. Sure, it may have begun with a physical attraction, as most relationships do, but it grew beyond that. Recover and relive the bonding process, once again.
The practice of bonding anew will be something that you may perform a number of times over the years. Each time it will make your relationship stronger and stronger and more enjoyable for both of you. A wise man once wrote, "The quality of a relationship is measured by how well it meets the needs of all those involved."
If you haven't already, go watch this video right now and learn how to use tiny little text messages to turn your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or husband into an absolute "romance addict" even if your partner doesn't seem to care one iota about romance now.